Parenting, like love, is fucking messy.

Real life looks more like crumbs on the table and toys on the floor than a Pottery Barn catalog.

The notion that every other family is perfect and their children go to bed easily without fuss and every morning is perfect, the idea that everyone else has their shit more together than me and every moment spent with their family is wholesome, full of carefree happiness and gratitude…

I had to let it go, it’s not real.

Parenting is not Pinterest.

The working-mom guilt, the overall anxiety that I’m doing it all wrong and screwing my children up permanently guilt. The having to make money to survive and pay bills and getting misty when I miss an important milestone like losing a first tooth, only to be told by a babysitter or teacher guilt. The exhausted parent guilt of forgetting to put money under the pillow because I’m also the tooth fairy, or getting slightly annoyed because I’m a servant to my children even when I’m sick. The single parent guilt because I’m divorced and they notice I’m ringless- as if I can’t be a great parent anyway. The guilt that the fairy tale I dreamt of sometimes seems to be turning into a nightmare. The guilt of being any kind of family that doesn’t fit society’s norm…

I had to let it go.

There are no perfect children, and there are no perfect parents. Whether you are a stay-at-home, working, single, married, divorced, or a something else parent, it isn’t easy. I have to constantly remind myself on the hardest days that despite the Instagram feeds, nobody else knows what they’re doing either.

So I’m setting the bar a little lower. That sounds opposite of what the parenting books say, and I don’t mean that I shouldn’t seek to improve on areas they feel weak, but if I’m constantly comparing myself to others, it’s impossible to be happy. I need to be gentle with myself. My children are happier when I’m happier, no matter what that happiness looks like.

For me that means letting the dishes sit in the sink. It means reading the extra bedtime story. After all, the dishes and never ending laundry mountain will still be there waiting on me. I try to teach my kids to help with the household tasks, instilling independence and teamwork- showing them they are a part of a bigger picture. The world doesn’t revolve around them. I don’t hide every challenge and inconvenience from them in attempt to keep the world a magical place.

I don’t do everything for them, but teach them that they are strong and capable of getting through anything that comes their way if they don’t give up. I want to teach them to ask for help, to allow them to try and work through problems.

Life is crazy and imbalances are unavoidable. Some days are smooth sailing, others I’m boarding up the windows and embracing the hurricane. The dream of running off to join the circus becomes impossible when I realize that we ARE the circus… and that’s okay.